It has been two months since my last blog post and i’m going to explain why it has been so long when I said I would post twice a week and it hasn’t happened and I’am sorry about that.

I had to go to London because i stupidly banged my knee off the side of a wooden door at my mums house. It  got so swollen which indicates a flare up. I got to London and the next morning i had to go to the Royal National Orthopedic Hospital for Scans. They included an MRI scan and a CT scan. I came out crying from the MRI, it really hurts me and i was so overwhelmed about the whole procedure.  my medication was upped to 20mg and to some  this may seem very low, but trust me it is a nightmare to deal with.

Due to the higher dose a trained nurse from Clementia  comes out to take blood, sometimes its straight forward, other times not so much.

I came back to the hotel to a phone call from my Dad, he Told me that it wasn’t good news, prior to this my Granny was in hospital getting antibiotics through an Iv drip, for a chest infection. Michael and I were just going down for dinner to the hotel bar, my dad said I’am so sorry love but your granny has Pancreatic cancer. I was like WHAT??? How can this be, I turned and went back to the hotel room and just cried and cried. I thought to myself I cannot lose her, I’am not ready 😦

I was in London and all my family were at home, I felt so far away from everything. I had already had a really bad day before this news.

Eventually I got home, and I went to visit my Granny in Antrim hospital. I had been warned by family members that my Granny had lost an huge amount of weight. I wasn’t ready for what I was going to witness. She squeezed my hand and said well that was a massive shock wasn’t it? I was trying to hold back the tears as she didn’t need to see how upset i was.

My granny Deteriorated everyday, I couldn’t believe how fast she was going downhill, her wish was to get home and into her own bed and she got her wish but only for  one night as she was in so much pain.

On 28th April 2017 my Precious Granny passed away – Most people knew how much my granny meant to me, and some people may not. My granny was everything to me, she listened to everything i had to say, knew all my secrets, I overshared everything with her, We played silly games together and we enjoyed each others company so much. To lose my Granny Jean has left a massive hole in my life and nothing will ever be the same without her. She told me how excited she was for my wedding and always wondered what she would wear and to know that she will never see me walk down the aisle really breaks my heart and I don’t think i will ever be able to talk about it.

Before she passed away my mum got her finger print, i sent away for a necklace that would contain the print of her finger. I will always have part of my granny with me and to know that gives me comfort.

I hope to be back blogging more frequently now.

Thank you so much for reading.

Lots of love

Lucy xo